By Andrew Conrad, firstname.lastname@example.org
8:22 PM EST, November 18, 2012
OK The Walking Dead, I see you, doing your thing.
This Sunday night's episode was by no means earth shattering, but in keeping with the style of season three, there was plenty to satisfy us fans and keep us coming back next week: humans were killed (albeit inconsequential humans), questions were answered (Where is Carol? Who was on the phone?) and the plot was advanced.
We were left with Michonne strolling up to the prison fence, injured and covered with a camouflage of zombie entrails, and carrying a supermarket basket full of powdered baby formula. Pat myself on the handsome back: last week I said that Michonne and Rick would be running into each other soon and they would hook up. The hooking up part hasn't happened yet, but I think it will, and I just hope for her sake she takes a prison shower and uses some Estee Lauder perfume before she starts necking with him. She's got to smell almost as bad as the pads on Hershel's crutches by now.
This episode also advanced the plot (sort of) by revealing who called Rick on the phone last week. Hint: it wasn't some other camp of survivors, it was ghostly voices in his own mind, essentially telling him to stop going insane. Kind of paradoxical there, right?
He eventually "talks to" Lori, and sorts some things out with her. The implication is that now he's moved on and can get back to being a father and leader, and maybe romancing Michonne.
Also, Glenn and Mags went on a baby food run and got accosted by Merle, who had been stalking (and being stalked by) Michonne in the woods. So now Glenn and Maggie are captives/guests of Woodbury...The plot thickens.
I must say, with everything else going on, my favorite scenes were when Merle was tracking Michonne with his trio of dunces. I liked how he called that mysterious Gargiulo "Neil" because he couldn't pronounce his name, and then mentored him, only to ultimately shoot him in the face. Ahh Merle, up to your old tricks, I see.
In local gossip, Andrea and the Governor finally stopped flirting and consummated their relationship. I don't care, I'll say it, I'm kind of sick of the whole Andrea-Governor thing. So it was kind of nice to admire Andrea's milky white thighs for a moment as the Governor mounted her in his silky sheets, but I really didn't need to see the Governor's toned Hollywood buttocks. And I don't watch The Walking Dead for the romance, so can one of them kill the other one, or can one of them turn into a zombie while their boning, or something?
I can't remember, did anything else happen? Oh yeah, Daryl found Carol hiding out in a closet. Now I can finally sleep again, knowing that she is safe.
Did you notice/know? (Thanks Talking Dead!)
Neat, a rebus!
It was fun when Michonne chopped up those zombie parts and turned them into a puzzle for the Woodbury hunting crew to figure out. It was like playing that Natty Boh bottle cap game. You know it's a good bar when the bartender gives you the beer AND the cap so you can play the puzzle!
Norman Reedus's Zombie Apocalypse Playlist
(from the commercial break infographic)
That's pretty good Norman, but I think I can do you one better with...
My Zombie Apocalypse Playlist
Obituary, Cause of Death
Hank Williams Jr., A Country Boy Can Survive
Cannibal Corpse, Hammer Smashed Face
Death, Left to Die
Black Sabbath, Children of the Grave (The White Zombie version is pretty good too)
Slayer, Seasons in the Abyss
Johnny Cash, Hurt
Carcass, Keep on Rotting in the Free World
What songs would you add to the list?
This Thanksgiving we should all be thankful that The Walking Dead isn't real life. I know sometimes it seems like it would be fun to go around on the highways, scavenging for cool items in other people's cars, running through abandoned Walmarts and Discovery Zones…
But that would get old after awhile and you know it would actually suck looking over your shoulder every five minutes and worrying about humans and zombies killing you. Plus, I kind of like having 300 channels, a DVR and millions of sites to log onto. Cable bills stink, but it's nice to have the option. In the zombie apocalypse you couldn't even play games on your early 2000s Nokia cell phone, let alone do multiplayer Call of Duty 4. Not to mention how bad everyone would smell and how gross your grundle would start to feel after just a few days in that hot Georgia sun.
I will say that I think there are some things that the survivors could be doing to make life in the zombie apocalypse a little more livable. For one, pets. Earlier this season Rick was just throwing away dog food, so you know there is a supply, and a dog could actually help you by providing security and companionship. You just gotta find one. Just find a doggie daycare or something and voila.
Second, sports is a great escape for everyone. Why not start a little prison two-on-two basketball league? I know they have hoops because I've seen them, and there's got to be a rock (ball) laying around somewhere. They could keep stats and standings, and those who weren't able to play could spectate. I think the sickest team would be Oscar and Glenn but you could spread out the talent for competitive balance. I'm thinking Rick-Carl, Glenn-Maggie, Daryl-Carol, Oscar-Axel. Hershel (wheelchair) and Beth could form a team if they wanted, but they would probably get steamrolled by Oscar's dominance down low.
Or if setting all those picks and throwing all those elbows was a little too intense for them after everything they've already been through, maybe they could just have board game night, when they could play Chess, or Texas Hold'em or Jenga. Anything to break up the monotony.
I know it seems like the life of a big-time television show recapper is probably very glamorous, like I'm sitting in a catered theater in reclining seats watching the show on a big screen with all of the cast members hanging out in bedazzled designer sunglasses. But it's not like that.
Tonight I had to just walk away from the Ravens-Steelers game right in the middle of the first quarter to go watch The Walking Dead on a 20-inch TV from the 90s. And some other nights I might rather just watch Days of Thunder on Netflix or go get Rango from the RedBox and watch that instead. But hey, I'm here for you to figure out what it says on small signs in the background of the show.
The new girl in school
Hey who's that cute new girl who wears the trucker hat with her ears tucked into it and boasts of her archery skills but can't hit a zombie in the head from 20 yards away? Her name is Haley and she is played by Alexa Nikolas, a 21-year old actress from Chicago who was also on Nickelodeon's Zoey 101.
How the heck does this whole disease work anyway?
Now I'm no Dr. Quinn Medicine Man or Louis Pasteur, but when all that crap spilled out of that zombie's tummy onto Michonne, or when zombie blood splatters all over some dude's face, isn't that kind of dangerous? You know Michonne had at least a few cuts and scratches on her midsection from living a tough life on the road. And then when Michonne kills those two Woodbury dudes, they stab the one's decapitated head to keep it from turning into a zombie. So just a decaptitated head is gonna turn into a zombie? And even if it did, who cares? It would just sit there hissing and moaning for a few weeks until someone came along and booted it like a kickball.
I know Michonne is deadly and all that, but some of her moves seem almost supernatural. Like Merle and Neil walk into the middle of a clearing and look in all directions, and then in an instant Michonne just appears behind them slashing her sword. WTF, is she a ghost like Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter or something? And then when she gets disarmed by Merle's hand bayonet it's like she loses all her powers. She does this dumb Dean Malenko drop toe hold and then donkey kicks him in the stomach.
Merle: "Damn straight son. We're doing a righteous public service here."
Merle: "I want you to succeed, I do. But If you keep announcing to the world that you're pissing your pants I'm gonna smash your teeth in."
Rick: "Please, you don't understand, you don't know. We're dying here."
Merle: "Now you're gonna rise to the occasion, son. Some serious s**t's going down, I need you here. You read me amigo? I don't want you to die."
Merle: "She ain't running son, she's hunting. And so are we."
Hershel: "Still feel it, wiggling my toes right now. *chuckle* I'm a ghost from the knee down."
Hershel: "I'll sit here with you. That's something I'm pretty good at nowadays."
Daryl: "You know my mom, she liked her wine, she liked to smoke in bed, Virginia Slims … that was my mom in bed, burnt down to nothing."
Merle: "You rose to the occasion kid. When we get back, I'm gonna get you a beer ... we're done, we're gonna grab a car and haul ass home. This was a good day's work."
Merle: "Yep, but we messed her up pretty badly…"
Governor: "My dog was a wonder of stupidity, lost a fight with a tree once."
Governor: "There's a glass in my hand, leaves in the breeze, talkin' with you…"
Oscar: "You know, the end of the day, relaxin'!"
Rick: "I loved you. I couldn't put it back together."
What everyone is up to
Rick: Talking to ghosts on his princess phone. Holding the baby like it was Simba.
Carl: Playing a game of how-my-mom-died one-upmanship with Daryl.
Glenn: Going on a baby formula run in a GMC Jimmy and getting the old CGI-bats-in-the-face prank played on him.
Daryl: Trying to serve as a father figure for Carl by telling him stories about his mom's smoking-in-bed habit. Stabbing the heck out of the wall and floor and rescuing Carol.
Carol: Tapping a prison door like a metronome and getting rescued by her crush, Daryl.
Hershel: Checking in on Rick's descent into madness and holding a cute baby.
Maggie: Sensually kissing Glenn in the sunlight and then getting held hostage.
Beth: Stirring some Campbell's Chunky soup in a big cast iron pot.
Andrea: French kissing the Governor and then making the beast with two backs.
Michonne: Stalking her prey and finding the prison.
The Governor: Making sweet love to Andrea like in Basically It Stinks 2.
Merle: GMC Jimmy jacking Glenn and Maggie and playing a deadly game of cat and mouse with Michonne.
Axel: Apparently getting the week off for Thanksgiving. Off camera, per Daryl, he's in the generator room trying to fix it in case of emergency. That boy's pretty handy with a wrench.
Oscar: Helping Daryl walk the floors of the prison and finding a sweet pair of slippers. Oscar appreciates life's simple pleasures.
Best zombie kill
I'll say when Michonne slashed open the one zombie's beer belly and all this old Chef Boyardee Beefaroni came cascading out onto her.
The one that was staring at Merle, making clicking sounds with her teeth like she was about to take a big bite out of a Rice Krispies Treat made out of Cocoa Krispies.
Zombies: 5, for 144 on the season.
Humans: 3 (Tim, Crowley, Gargiulo) for 17 on the season.
A look ahead to next week's episode, "When the Dead Come Knocking"
Rick and Daryl go hunting, Michonne goes on a killing spree outside the prison fences while Rick contemplates helping her, then she comes inside and tells them about Woodbury, and Andrea throws herself at the Governor again. Merle duct tapes Glenn to a chair and beats up his face pretty bad, and the Governor interviews Maggie in intimidating fashion.