By Lauren McEwen
9:32 AM EST, February 12, 2013
Finally, the night has come. Adrienne and Brandi are going to be at the same place, at the same time.
Will it get violent? How much of her own foot can Brandi fit in her mouth? Will they finally give the rest of the Housewives something new to talk about?
First things first -- the Lisa/Kyle showdown. Lisa is finally fed up with Kyle riding so hard for Adrienne, without any measure of consideration for anyone else.
They sit down for drinks and Lisa (who seems way more upset by this than you'd think she'd be) wants to hear Kyle say, with her own mouth, that she has her back. Kyle doesn't want to fight over something so petty, and Lisa, bless her heart, doesn't blow up at this.
How is it "petty" to want your friend to support you from time to time? To be held accountable for stoking arguments and then backing away? To give you the benefit of the doubt? Get it together, Kyle. This is not cute.
Lisa knows their friendship will never be the same, but she isn't ready to dead it yet.
After some back and forth and a little melodrama, the women call a truce. Wonder how long that'll last?
Brandi's hanging with Yolanda now, and I am all for it. Yolanda's chilled out a little on trying to prove to us that she's perfect (read: coming for Martha Stewart's wig) and has proven to be one of the more level-headed cast members.
In fact, and I can't believe I'm saying this, Yolanda is a perfect example of the kind of "Real World" cast member I thought I would be when I was a teenager. The voice of reason, who is ready to read all of the silly housemates at any time. With vigor.
Anyway, Brandi and Yolanda take Yolanda's daughter, Bella, to her horseback riding lesson. While Bella's off being adorable (Yolanda really does have gorgeous kids) Brandi opens up about being worried about seeing Adrienne for the first time at Lisa's tea party.
Mostly, Brandi's afraid she will actually combust if she has to keep her mouth shut and her butt out of court. And this is why it would make so much sense to NOT INVITE HER AND ADRIENNE TO THE SAME FUNCTIONS!
The last person I expected to throw one of these misguided group events was Lisa. And a tea party to welcome Adrienne back into the group, no less. You know this is going to end in tears.
Anyway, Yolanda tells Brandi that she has done the right thing by admitting that she was wrong. She needs to continue to move on. Adrienne is now the one in the wrong, milking the drama until the end.
But without it, what would Adrienne's storyline be this season? Get it how you live.
It's time for tea! Brandi shows up first, with a gift for the hostess: a vibrator. The fact that I instantly knew it was a sex toy of some kind is a problem.
Marisa shows up next, still complaining about her husband like this isn't going to be broadcast on national television -- and then spread all over the internet. Lisa, who has clearly been hanging out with Brandi too long, suggests that she just have a threesome, or "bring in some outside talent." Girl.
Anyway, Yolanda's pep talk barely worked. Brandi's still freaking out over Adrienne's simple behind, and to make matters worse, Kyle shows up with Faye, who clearly wasn't invited because Lisa can't stand her, either.
Kyle is just so bold with her troublemaking these days. Who can blame Kim for staying home and out of the bull.
Let us address this frigging decadent tea party Lisa just threw for these ungrateful women. Mainly, I'm obsessed with the centerpieces -- they can barely see each other over the tops of those gorgeous things. I've been stanning so hard for Lisa this season, I hope she Googles herself, discovers these recaps and invites me to the next one.
Everything's relatively ok -- until Tipsy Taylor swaggers over to the table and confronts Adrienne about having her lawyer send Brandi The Letter. So now Adrienne wants us all to believe that Brandi just made all of this up out of thin air -- there is no lawsuit. Forget about the fact that she's been throwing around the words "law suit" like nothing for the past six episodes. Forget about the fact that anyone with access to the Internet knows that she and Paul were threatening to leave the show over Brandis remarks.
And ... we're right back where we started. That Kyle/Lisa feud had promise -- why can't we just go with that?